Sunday, January 23, 2011

Dusting Off The Cobwebs of My Mind....

Mike is out of town this weekend.  I am in the middle of a weekend spent entirely at home (other than when I went to pick up Anthony at his friend's house this morning and when I venture to the store tomorrow for milk).
I am currently at the tail end of a day spent almost entirely in my head (other than brief conversations with my kids, my mother, and my boyfriend).  I need that sometimes, to center myself and just be with me for a bit.  I'm an awesome person to hang out with, you know.  I haven't had a completely quiet day like this in a long time and I don't even remember the last time I have stayed at home for an entire weekend.  No schedule, no one to entertain, no rushing.  "Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing...", Winnie the Pooh says.  I need to remember that sometimes.  And I really didn't "do nothing" today.  I slept in a little, made a nice brunch that I ate while listening to Frank Sinatra with the windows/doors open, cleaned my floors, worked out for an hour, made a fabulous stir fry for's been a good day.
"You've Got Mail" is on TV right now and I just spent the last few hours watching "Sex In The City" reruns.  Watching others write for half the day is compelling me to do the same.  I just love that show.  I need to get the box set of all the seasons.  I think it's funny how every woman has a character in the show that they identify with.  In actuality, I think every woman has a character that she wants to BE.  Thinking about this exact thing while watching the show (I was trying to figure out which character I most identify with...I already know I want to be Carrie) I came to this realization:  we are all a combination of all four.  We are.  Why did the song "I'm Every Woman" just pop in my head??  Right now I am sporting my usual messy, curly knot on top of my head, writing down my inner monologue (Carrie), stroking my romantic girly side by watching a chick flick (Charlotte - who I least identify with), yet enjoying my alone time and independence (Miranda), and speaking of stroking...I desperately need to get laid (Samantha).  No romance, just
:sigh: Stop it, Chicken.
Ok.  Next subject.  That's not happening tonight, so let's just move on.

I haven't had much to write about lately.  I've been eating better and exercising, which I am enjoying.  I feel better than I did at the end of last year.  Things with Mike are lovely.  I wish he was here to reach over and put his hand on my leg, like he has the habit of doing.  I was reminded of him tonight, while watching Sex In The City.  Miranda freaked out when her boyfriend, Steve, told her that he wanted to move in with her.  She loved him, but was torn as to why she was having such a problem with that level of commitment.  She decided it was because she was independent, liked her space, and because she was not a domestic "girly girl".  When she begins to miss him, she invites him over to make dinner for him, in order to prove to herself (and to him) that she can be that girl that would be overjoyed at the thought of having her boyfriend move in.  Things climaxed when she came home late, stressed out, trying to make everything perfect, but wasn't succeeding...she goes into a freak out about how she can't cook, she doesn't wash clothes for sometimes 2 weeks, and how her kitchen sponges smell bad.  If he moves in, he'll see all those things that aren't perfect about her...being vulnerable and imperfect is scary for her.  Of course he tells her that he's "not going anywhere, no matter what" and she lets him move in.  I understood completely.

So, other than having a gloriously un-busy, unscheduled weekend...there isn't much else. The kids are doing well.  They need some activities, so I'm finally enrolling Autumn in her hip hop class I promised her.  Anthony mentioned the other day that he wanted to box.  I just happened to get an email tonight from a place down the street that offers kid's boxing/kickboxing classes.  I'm checking it out.  But not tomorrow.  I have some more dusting to do.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Someone Please Tell Me Where the Fuck I Put My Friends.

When we start to change as people and lose touch with friends, what do you think we mourn for? The loss of important people in our lives or are we mourning for the loss of ourselves and the person we used to be?
I miss my friends.

Oddly enough, I was thinking about this on the way to work this morning.  I had a horrible headache and I was trying to get to work as quickly as possible, so I could get some water and Ibuprofen in me...when it dawned on me.  When is the last time I hung out with my friends??  I'm barely even on Facebook anymore.  It's like I have dropped off the face of the planet.  I realized many, many months ago that there are people that I am just naturally growing apart from.  Recently, though, I've lost touch with people that I didn't want to stop hanging out with.  I'm still trying to decide if I really am actually changing or if I'm just preoccupied in BoyfriendLand.
Then...low and behold...SailorGirl called me out on it this morning.  "We haven't been talking anymore Ms. IHaveABoyfriendNow..." Really? Did I become that girl?  Don't we ALL become that person, though, at some point?  When we are dating someone new, and especially if we really like them, we end up spending all our free time with them in the hopes of getting to know them better...and because we miss them when we are apart?  Or am I crazy? But she's right. I haven't been keeping in touch at all.  I didn't mean to ignore anyone.
I think I am really needing some socialization.  I do that.  It must be my Cancer tendencies...I retreat into my shell for awhile, until I'm ready to come back out again.  I'm in need of a girls' night. I am also in need of a tattoo session. Sailor Girl is going in for some work and I may go get a little something and spend some time with her...until my other tattoo buddy gets here.
Hurry up, Tattooed and Organic and get your ass out here!!  I miss you!

Slugbug Orange! or Holy Shit, I Can't Eat Another Bite or...You Got Powned!

Definition courtesy of Urban Dictionary
Pown: To display ones superior skill against an adversary by defeating them in a loud and obvious manner.
"I powned you, bitch! Put that in your pipe and smoke it. I AM A COUNTER-STRIKE GOD!!"

I learned this word from Adam, Mike's youngest son.  He's 13 and despite Mike's best effort, I totally fell in love with the word and used it incessantly, encouraging Adam to the fullest.  Oops.  I just discovered that it is a widely used term in the gaming world...go figure.

So, I just spent 3 days in Salt Lake City, UT (or SL,UT if you wish) and it was a much needed and much enjoyed break from my regular day to day existence.  The food fest trip began on Thursday night.  We took Greyhound, which wasn't that bad of an experience.  I didn't mind it other than I just don't sleep well on a freaking bus.  It took us about 8 hours.  I got to sit next to a lovely gentleman with a deep voice and a presence that gave me the willies.  No, it was not Mike.  He was seated comfortably behind me in his TWO seats. wasn't that big of a deal.  It happens when a shitload of people are on a bus together.  I can't blame him for wanting to sit next to my loveliness.
We arrived on Friday morning and had a full day of sightseeing and such.  First of all, my fucking camera died on Day 1, which totally blew and pissed me off, because I like to take pictures of EVERYTHING.  We went to Trolley Square and looked around the shops.  I found an amazing hand-hammered wok at Williams Sonoma for $19.95.  I'm getting that sucker this weekend.  I found other things in a novelty store that caught my eye that I'll be procuring on my next visit.  We then visited Gilgal Gardens, where my assumption that Mormons are odd was confirmed.  We drove The Avenues and looked at the historic homes in the area.  After picking up Adam from school, we headed to lunch, then to Big Cottonwood Canyon for a snowball fight.  The scenery was beautiful.  As many times as I have said that I couldn't live in a city with a lot of snow, I really enjoyed myself.  I liked the snow and the weather.  My opinion would probably change after months of being in the cold, I'm sure.  We also went out to dinner with Mike's parents.  Yes...I like them and we got along splendidly...even though Mike did mention to his mother my love of tubesteak.  No joke.  They make me laugh.  Mike, Adam, and I also went to Leatherby's after dinner for some ice cream.  Holy Shit, I couldn't eat another bite.  Until we went to breakfast the next morning, of course.
Saturday I woke up wanting a shower and just basically feeling like shit after all the food I had shoved down my throat the day before.  After a week of basically eating NOTHING to eating everything put in front of you, it can do a real number on your digestive system.  Truly.  We ventured back out for more sightseeing, with me showerless and with a rock or 10 in my stomach.  I was feeling dirty and like crap (or needing to take one), Mike could see that something was wrong, I didn't want to dwell on it (aka - talk about it at all).  We ended up having a...something.  I don't even know what to call it.  It really wasn't a fight, I guess, but feelings were hurt on both sides, we weren't getting along and I cried in a bathroom stall.  Things got better, so it's all good.  I took many a shit that day, we saw Temple Square and The Gateway, Adam purchased a hat that looked like a bear, I got my shower, then we had dinner with Mike's BFF.  No ice cream that night.  Thank you Baby Jesus.
Sunday the sky cleared and I was able to see the mountains.  We had a fantastic breakfast and drove out to see the lake.  Sunday was a relaxed day.  We had to say goodbye to Adam and get to the bus station for our ride home.  The ride back was much better than the ride there.  I had more room and slept a little. 
I'm looking forward to next time.

Mike said this trip was a learning experience and I have to agree.  First trips together always are.  I have more to write on this, but it will be from home instead of work.  My laptop is out of commission and I think I need the quiet of late-night whenever stupid Amazon will get me my charger...but I digress.


Tuesday, January 4, 2011


Dearest Coffee,
Please come back to me.  I am so sorry that I told you to go away...forgive me.  I promise to truly think about the things I say and do, before making rash decisions that affect not only you, but myself.  I miss your warmth, the happiness you bring me, and we won't even get into the things you do to stimulate my body.  I love you with all my heart and I'll never be the same without you.

Love Always,

Some people consider caffeine to be a toxin. I consider it (coffee in particular) to be the juice of life.  I suppose I agree with the facts stating that caffeine is a drug.  Only one day of not having any caffeine what-so-ever and I was having withdrawals like crazy.  I started yawning around 10am, then by about 1pm the headache started.  It was subtle at first...just a dull ache.  I pushed through it, but by 8:30pm, sounds and light were making it worse.  I was hitting full blown migraine status.  It was horrible.  I usually only drink one cup of coffee a day.  I couldn't imagine what it would be like for a person who literally drinks pots of coffee or drinks soda all day long to go without it completely.

Needless to say, when I woke up this morning and my headache was still there, I wasn't excited.  I took an Excedrin (Chicken! That has caffeine in it! Hehehe...I know.) and went about my business.  All of a sudden, on my way to work, I was a little happier.  Euphoric even!  I was dancing in my truck, I felt focused and ready to start my day, I felt my pupils constrict...oh...sweet, sweet I love thee.  So, yes...I am enjoying my morning coffee as I type.  I am sticking to the other parts of my program by not putting dairy or sugar in it and I am once again my spunky, smiley self.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Mimosas: Not just for brunch anymore!

Buuuuurp.  There was a full bottle of champagne and OJ in my fridge just waiting to mate, in the hopes of making me a delicious beverage.  They succeeded.  I did not think ahead to the fact that I definitely need at least one other person to help me finish off this bottle.  As of 12am, I am not supposed to drink alcohol for a month.  I've done it before, without even realizing it, so I'm sure I will make it just fine.
New Years Eve (that's right Mike, I made it plural) has come and gone.  It was delightful.  Me, Mike, Alex (Mike's oldest), Little Man, and Mini-Me hung out at home.  We cooked food, played Guitar Hero, and watched the fireworks from the Strip at midnight.  The next day we went hiking near Lake Mead and the Hoover Dam.  My mom came along and a good time was had, even though what was supposed to be a 4.5 mile round trip hike turned into about 8 miles.
So, I have talked about how excited I am to begin a new year and it is so true.  I was inspired to make some changes with myself regarding how I spend my time and with who in 2010.  That conscious decision ended up leading me to Mike.  He is the kind of man that I had been searching for, but telling myself I would never find.  We've already started talking about our future together and I don't think anything has ever felt so right.  If I continue to make the right choices for myself and my family, who knows what other spectacular things will happen?   I plan on finding out this year.
In the spirit of 2011, here are 11 goals that I would like to accomplish this year.  Some are simple, some are life changing, and some are just things that I should have done or should be doing but have not for one reason or another.

1. Lose 80 lbs by the end of 2011
     I made the decision to complete a 28 day challenge, where I will basically cleanse my body of toxins and take steps to live a healthier life, mentally and physically.  It begins by cutting out dairy, red meat, eggs, alcohol, sugar, gluten, caffeine and all processed foods. Slowly, certain foods can be brought back in to my daily intake, should I choose to do so.  I will also go back to a daily exercise routine, which also includes yoga and meditation.  I wanted to do this because I felt the need to be healthier.  Weight loss is going to be an obvious side effect of this drastic change, so I made a goal of it.  I'm taking my goal 10 lbs at a time and rewarding myself with 8 lovely presents after I reach each one. (Mainly because I love gifts)
The only difference between this time and several years ago, when I did the same thing, will be that this time I will actually stay with the program.  All the crap that I have been putting into my body is literally bogging me down and making me feel like a pile of shit.  I'm over it.
2. Have family pictures taken
     I have never had them taken.  At first, it was because I didn't want to document a "family" that really wasn't.  The past few years that it's been just the kids and I, it has been plain procrastination.  I have found an amazing photographer and I'll have pictures taken of the kids and I this spring.  It has proven time to get this done, given that by the end of this year we'll be adding others into our group of three.  And then there were six.
3. Realize when I am procrastinating and actively take steps to correct it
4. Re-enroll and begin attending massage therapy school
     It's time to make the life I envisioned for myself a reality and get out of a fucking office.
5. Put money out of EVERY paycheck into savings.
6. Surround myself with positive people who enhance my life in some way.
7. Find my creativity again and begin a hobby that reflects it.
8. Commit to having at least one night of one-on-one time with my children every month.
9. Live out of my box.  Create adventure and conquer fear.
     "Say it a million times. Say it a million more times. Then the word that you will have said 2 million times is...YES!"  I am pretty good about trying new things.  There are certain things that I am not willing to do, such as go to Alaska and live in a bus in the wilderness, fighting for my survival (Never say "Never" though, right?)...I would just like to be a little more adventurous this year.  Going to school and taking steps to a better me are great starts, but I want to be able to say "WOW! I can't believe I just did that!" (and not in a regretful type of way).  My boss plans on skydiving for her 70th birthday.  Her adventure just happens to fall on the weekend of my birthday.  I am going to join her and jump out of a plane.
10.  Be more scheduled.
     I used to be very good at this and I still am to some extent, but I have been free-spirited lazy the past few years.  I think this is because I haven't been able to find a happy middle ground.  I am either completely OCD, drill sergeant structured or...I fly completely by the seat of my pants and take the "I'll get to it when I feel like it" approach.  This is something I need to work on.
11. Go to Color Me Mine and pick up the mugs that Mike and I painted, so I can have a memento of our first date together! What the eff!  It's been more than 2 months! (See goal #3)