Unfortunately, I don't have any, so I have been blocked. I can't get the words out. If I do somehow get words out, they don't sound right or it isn't exactly what I wanted to say. Tonight I was able to tell someone exactly what they needed to hear. "Regardless of where you are supposed to end up, where you are right now is exactly where you are supposed to be...for one reason or another". Or something to that extent. Astonishingly enough, these were the words that I have been trying to find for days.
This is exactly where I am supposed to be.
More importantly, This is exactly WHO I am supposed to be WITH.
I came to this realization days and days ago (I realize things way before I act on them). There was another party that was slightly interested in getting to know me (other than Mr. Amazing). I didn't mention him because (not to be rude), he was insignificant. We began talking around the time that I met Mr. Amazing. I never made the time to get to know him. I didn't want to. I was even honest and told him this. He wanted to meet and I said I couldn't talk to him anymore - that I was dating someone else and ready to stop looking. I couldn't believe those words came out of my mouth (Actually, I typed them out. I had never even made the time to talk to this guy on the phone!) This chicken, for the last two years, has had in the back of her mind that there is something better coming. That whomever I was with wasn't it...that they were only stepping stones to someone else. Sorry guys. Have you ever seen the movie "Practical Magic"? If you haven't, then I may dis-own you. In the movie, Sally writes out a spell protecting herself from finding love. She creates a list of traits for her perfect person, knowing that it is impossible that this person could ever exist. I did this. Not literally, but I was beginning to think that the kind of man I truly wanted (which seemed to be an impossible list of traits) didn't exist - that I would have to settle for just somebody or be alone forever. In the end of the movie, of course the man she dreamt up when she was a child does really exist, he breaks the curse on her family, and she knows happiness like she never thought possible.
Michael (Mr. Amazing) is creating a happiness for me that I never thought possible. I feel lit up from the inside when I am near him or when I hear his voice. Something physically changes in me. I cannot stop smiling. I laugh like only my sister can make me laugh. Yes, it is still new and we are still learning about one another...but something in me knows this is right. I still ask myself how I found him, why he was brought to me, why? why? why?...in a series of questions that can't be explained, except for this reason only...that it was supposed to happen. I am where I am supposed to be with who I am supposed to be with.
So, now I am in a relationship. Mr. Amazing is my boyfriend. I like the name Michael better. It rolls off my tongue. I will probably use both names. This may mean that this blog may take a bit of a turn, but that doesn't mean much. This may mean that I have delayed my spinsterhood a few years, but who knows. I am living in the now. Now is with Michael, who is still "wooing" me. Who had wine and lit candles in his bedroom after our date on Saturday. Who made me breakfast and thanked me for letting him take care of me.
I won't be the girl who just makes out a huge list of why her man is perfect in every way (#1: We should change his name to Mr. Does Amazing Things With His Hands). I am tired, getting blocked up again, and feel like I am not making my point. I had other things I wanted to talk about, but that shall become Part Two or a separate blog all together. I promise I have other things going on and I can think of things to talk about other than a man. I swear. I am starting to believe that late night, half asleep babbling that could be slightly mistaken for writing is a bit like writing drunk.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Halloween and Other Treats: A Weekend of Goofy Grins
I don't know where to begin when talking about my weekend. I feel like I celebrated Halloween for an entire week and I'm quite over the holiday now. I'm surrounded by Halloween decorations at work and I don't have that usual feeling that I get of wanting to stretch out the merriment as long as possible. Not to say that I didn't have a good Halloween...I had a great one. I'm just ready to move on to what's next. We're in that part of the year when the last few months fly by; Thanksgiving will be here in a few weeks, then shortly after Christmas and New Year's Eve. I feel like I should reflect, but we'll do that in another blog during the months to come.
My weekend began on Thursday with a visit to Mr. Amazing's home. We had a movie date that both of us were extremely excited about and it was practically perfect, just as he is turning out to be. I arrived right after work and he had my favorite bottle of wine waiting (he scored MAJOR points with that). We talked comfortably as usual, ordered food from an excellent Mediterranean restaurant (shish kabob and hummus. yum.), and watched Paranormal Activity (because I had never seen it). It came time for me to go and I didn't want to leave (I find myself feeling that way every time I'm around him now, which was several times this weekend), but I had to relieve my mother of her babysitting duties. Friday, we made plans to go to the drive-in to see a double feature of PA2 and Devil. We camped out with sleeping bags and blankets in the bed of my truck, watching movies, then making out like teenagers. I forgot what fun it was to see a movie and not be able to really explain or remember what any of it was about. We stayed until the end of the second showing of PA2, which had me back at his place at about 1:30am. I left at 9am, again, only because my mother had so graciously watched the kids and I felt bad for leaving her there all night. I was actually worried she would be mad, but I got home and my house was clean, she probed like mothers do, then told me she was glad that I am happy. (The irresponsible part of me had wished I'd stayed a little longer at Mr. Amazing's) He has mentioned in his blog that he can't explain the smile that I give him. I had the same issue with explaining just the way he makes me feel, until I was on my way home Saturday morning. It was a beautiful fall morning, the sun was shining, I had barely any sleep, and I couldn't stop smiling. I don't think he could be any sweeter or more of a gentleman...he is a good man...and he makes me feel ADORED. That is the word. Even if he actually doesn't adore me (yet), he makes me feel like I am and it is wonderful. He came over last night and stayed at my place. We still have not had sex (ok...there hasn't been "intercourse") and I am ok with that. Most of my relationships start hot and heavy right from the beginning, but they fizzle out faster than they started it seems. Slow is good. A fire that starts as a smolder and grows slowly in intensity is the kind of fire that lasts for a while. The kind that warms your entire body down to the core...
The rest of my weekend was spent with the kids, hanging out and enjoying the holiday. We watched a marathon of Ghost Adventures on Saturday night and yesterday we had a lazy day, prepping for the trick-or-treating that was to come later in the evening. I was a witch, Autumn was a vampire, and Anthony was a "dead scientist that had gotten blown up during an experiment". That kid is always so detailed with his descriptions. Anthony had mentioned wanting to go trick-or-treating with his friends this year. I think I have permanently lost him for Halloween from now on. His friend came to pick him up early in the evening and he went with that family and a bunch of other boys. Autumn and I had a great time, though. We got dressed, waited somewhat patiently for the sun to set, then headed out. We walked down the street to a neighborhood that was almost completely dead, but we ended up getting a great tip on another neighborhood that really gets into its Halloween festivities. We drove over, walked around, Autumn was having an amazing time, and was frankly hilarious. She has my sense of humor, what can I say. There was a street party going on with a haunted house and a mad doctor that was giving out beer to the parents and candy to the kids. We finished early, with enough time to get her showered and ready for bed before Mr. Amazing came over. Anthony ended up spending the night with his friends. Luckily, I think I have a few more years of hanging with Autumn before she too would rather be with buddies than with mom. I'll take it while I can. This morning while I was in the shower, she woke up, sifted through her candy, and laid out a pile of my favorites on my bed. It came with a little note that read, "Hope you in joy. From: Autumn". Sweetness.
My weekend began on Thursday with a visit to Mr. Amazing's home. We had a movie date that both of us were extremely excited about and it was practically perfect, just as he is turning out to be. I arrived right after work and he had my favorite bottle of wine waiting (he scored MAJOR points with that). We talked comfortably as usual, ordered food from an excellent Mediterranean restaurant (shish kabob and hummus. yum.), and watched Paranormal Activity (because I had never seen it). It came time for me to go and I didn't want to leave (I find myself feeling that way every time I'm around him now, which was several times this weekend), but I had to relieve my mother of her babysitting duties. Friday, we made plans to go to the drive-in to see a double feature of PA2 and Devil. We camped out with sleeping bags and blankets in the bed of my truck, watching movies, then making out like teenagers. I forgot what fun it was to see a movie and not be able to really explain or remember what any of it was about. We stayed until the end of the second showing of PA2, which had me back at his place at about 1:30am. I left at 9am, again, only because my mother had so graciously watched the kids and I felt bad for leaving her there all night. I was actually worried she would be mad, but I got home and my house was clean, she probed like mothers do, then told me she was glad that I am happy. (The irresponsible part of me had wished I'd stayed a little longer at Mr. Amazing's) He has mentioned in his blog that he can't explain the smile that I give him. I had the same issue with explaining just the way he makes me feel, until I was on my way home Saturday morning. It was a beautiful fall morning, the sun was shining, I had barely any sleep, and I couldn't stop smiling. I don't think he could be any sweeter or more of a gentleman...he is a good man...and he makes me feel ADORED. That is the word. Even if he actually doesn't adore me (yet), he makes me feel like I am and it is wonderful. He came over last night and stayed at my place. We still have not had sex (ok...there hasn't been "intercourse") and I am ok with that. Most of my relationships start hot and heavy right from the beginning, but they fizzle out faster than they started it seems. Slow is good. A fire that starts as a smolder and grows slowly in intensity is the kind of fire that lasts for a while. The kind that warms your entire body down to the core...
The rest of my weekend was spent with the kids, hanging out and enjoying the holiday. We watched a marathon of Ghost Adventures on Saturday night and yesterday we had a lazy day, prepping for the trick-or-treating that was to come later in the evening. I was a witch, Autumn was a vampire, and Anthony was a "dead scientist that had gotten blown up during an experiment". That kid is always so detailed with his descriptions. Anthony had mentioned wanting to go trick-or-treating with his friends this year. I think I have permanently lost him for Halloween from now on. His friend came to pick him up early in the evening and he went with that family and a bunch of other boys. Autumn and I had a great time, though. We got dressed, waited somewhat patiently for the sun to set, then headed out. We walked down the street to a neighborhood that was almost completely dead, but we ended up getting a great tip on another neighborhood that really gets into its Halloween festivities. We drove over, walked around, Autumn was having an amazing time, and was frankly hilarious. She has my sense of humor, what can I say. There was a street party going on with a haunted house and a mad doctor that was giving out beer to the parents and candy to the kids. We finished early, with enough time to get her showered and ready for bed before Mr. Amazing came over. Anthony ended up spending the night with his friends. Luckily, I think I have a few more years of hanging with Autumn before she too would rather be with buddies than with mom. I'll take it while I can. This morning while I was in the shower, she woke up, sifted through her candy, and laid out a pile of my favorites on my bed. It came with a little note that read, "Hope you in joy. From: Autumn". Sweetness.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)