Hmmmm...THAT explains a lot.

I have determined tonight that I cannot watch porn and cook dinner at the same time.  I think that's going to be my new saying.  Like when people say, "I can't walk and chew gum at the same time".
"My goodness she gets distracted."
"Yeah...I don't think she could watch porn and cook at the same time!"  
So, how was I able to come to this conclusion, do you ask? Well...it's very simple really.  I was watching porn and trying to broil some veggie burgers. DUH.

Actually, it went a little something like this:
Last night, Mike and I were sitting at my kitchen table. The subject of porn came up while we were talking about the video on Tosh.0, appropriately named Stripper Soaker. He found it gross and I will admit, the only thing I thought of when I saw the video was that I wanted to see it without the body parts blacked out. (And wondered how she did that of course)  He told me that the first pornographic movie he ever saw was pretty graphic (there were fists involved).  So in turn I, not so reluctantly, confessed that I had watched my first porn when I was at the ripe old age of 11 or 12.  One that I found hidden in a box in a closet (thanks dad).  I was not disturbed at all.  I was quite intrigued.  I watched the whole thing and got my first ever feeling of: oh my god. why am I watching this? I can't look away. holy crap I hope someone doesn't walk in on me while this is on!  
I still remember the damn video.  It was from the 70's.  There was a lady that kept her freakin' neck scarf on while she did the nasty.  And she did the nasty with several men, including the standard black man with an afro and...her "niece".  There was not a lot of waxing that went on and all the boobs were real.  There was even some naked hot tubbing.  I googled today in an effort to make sure I had the name right and come to find out, this just wasn't some chick that kept her scarf on.  She was famous!  So...yeah.  I actually did find the video that I watched several times over the course of my pre-teen/teen years. And I watched it again, 20 years later. And I got entirely distracted, then burnt my veggie burgers.
Mike says that it explains a lot about some things.  I don't know what he's talking about.  I thought all women had an insane infatuation for men with mustaches, hairy chests, naked hot tubbing, and...fudgesicles.

Kids are freakin' crazy. That's all.

My kids are pretty cool, I must say.  At least I was just saying so on Facebook.  My soon to be 8 year old daughter has decided that she wants a sewing machine for her birthday.  She is super into fashion, watches Project Runway with me, and has decided she wants to make clothes.  I think that is so super cool.  I can't wait to help her, in fact.  I also found a place for her to take dance lessons.  It's time to get her into an activity, especially since her brother will be doing a lot more stuff now that he's in middle school.  She decided on Hip Hop.  Also super cool.  I have decided to take a Zumba class.  I swear.  If you don't know what it is - it's basically like a latin dance/exercise type thing.  It will be lots o' fun.

Kids also do the weirdest things.  It doesn't seem weird to them, but we as adults just look at them like they're completely insane.  Like tonight....just 5 minutes ago in fact.  I occasionally overhear Mini-Me playing pretend with her Barbies and stuffed animals.  If you have not ever had the opportunity to eavesdrop on a pretend play session, I highly suggest you do so.  The things they say are hilarious and most times you'll walk away laughing your ass off.  Other times, it really makes you realize how much the little bastards absorb - like when they are repeating an entire conversation that Mommy and friend had.  Or talking about things that are way over there level of actual comprehension - they are just repeating what they heard.  I'll admit I have a total potty mouth and my kids bust out with stuff they should not say a lot of the time.  My bad.  I've trained them not to say it in public.  So, anyway...I just happened to catch Mini-Me using my camera for a Barbie fashion photo shoot.  Yes, she is actually posing the Barbies and taking their pictures.  I thought it was the cutest thing I had ever seen.  Then I looked at the pictures.  I was looking at what could only be described at Doll Porn.  I couldn't stop laughing. I had to go get my mother and say "Look at this!".  Autumn doesn't get it.  She doesn't know why we're laughing at her pictures...but I had to share the fun.  Below are a few samples.

I think I might need a cigarette and a drink.