The Adventures of Mini-Me and Sugar Free!

Mini-Me finally made a friend.  I've been waiting on this day since she started school.  There are plenty of kids who live in our neighborhood and I had faith that she would befriend one of the girls, hopefully before the end of the freakin' school year and hopefully not one of those shady little bitches that I wouldn't mind "accidentally" running over with my truck.  But enough about me and my fantasies of killing little brats...(I kid! I kid!)
I had been noticing the last few weeks that Mini-Me had been spending more time with one particular girl.  She was sweet and polite.  Her and Mini-Me had become inseparable.  I came home Wednesday night, a

That's just pure sweetness, isn't it?

little anxious because I wanted to make sure I had everything for dinner on Thanksgiving.  The house was a wreck.  Sugar Free all but forced Mini-Me to help me clean the living room, so when they bombarded me with their plan of a spend-the-night, I was feeling generous.  "Of course she can spend the night!".  We then went through the formalities of me meeting her mom, getting her number, etc.  She was a nice lady.  She's a single mom, too.  We chatted about the brats in the neighborhood.  Never ONCE did she mention that this was Sugar-Free's first sleepover...EVER.  That would be a nice side-bar, don't you think?  "Hey...just letting you know, Sugar-Free has never spent the night away from home..."
Anyway, the girls were getting along splendidly.  We settled in to watch Prince of Persia with everyone and stuff our faces with the platter of various sugary items that Mike had brought over.  Mike's son and my kids dug in like the Gremlins they are, but Sugar Free sat in the corner, practically hiding behind the couch.  Mini-Me and I urged her to take a cookie.  Suddenly, Sugar Free became that child that will only communicate through their friend.  Amongst hands covering ears and whispers behind my couch, Mike and I were informed by Mini-Me that Sugar Free's mom doesn't like her to have sugar at night.  She is not allowed to have more than 50g a day.  At this point, I'm thinking, "Well I don't see your mom anywhere...have a fucking cookie."  I insist that it's ok to have one cookie, that she's at my house and I don't mind.  She asks how many grams of sugar are in the one cookie, like I know that shit by heart.  Have you seen my ass?  I don't pay attention to how much sugar is in ANYTHING.  So, I ask Mike..."Honey, how many grams of sugar are in each cookie?".
"Five.  So you can have 10 cookies!!"
Have I mentioned how awesome he is?  He and I cracked up.  Then, Little Miss Sugar-Free stands up and Mini-Me announces that she is going home.  She doesn't want to spend the night anymore.  Sugar-Free is scared.  Whatever.  It's not like we were trying to give her crack or anything.

She was back the next day...first thing in the morning.  Did I mention she has my phone number?  She calls it constantly.  Her mom was working on Thanksgiving, so I graciously invited her to eat with us.  She hung out most of the day, except of course during the time that Mini-Me and her were not friends anymore...for about 10 minutes.  Seems Mike's son and Mini-Me were playing a little game of lock Sugar-Free in the bathroom.  Mini-Me and I had to have a little talk about what a pussy her friend is and that she can't play with her like she does her brother.  She sat silently through me asking what she wanted on her plate.  I got head shakes of yes and no.  She wouldn't drink anything...not even water.  I had mentioned that I was going to make her mom a plate, so I wasn't very surprised when she comes marching out of Mini-Me's room stating that her mom wants "everything".  This girl must be bi-polar!  First, she won't speak to anyone, then she's Miss Bossy Brat from Hell.  I fixed her mom a plate like a good minion should, then gladly sent Mini-Me over to spend the night.  She ended up staying over there two nights in a row, but they went back and forth between houses all day long, ALL WEEKEND.  Between bouts of "I'm not her friend!" and "I want to go see Sugar-Free!" and "Is Mini-Me there?  Can I talk to her?", I didn't think I was going to get away from this girl.  At one point I had forbidden Mini-Me to play with Sugar-Free because they were doing what all kids do when they spend too much time together...fight.  A lot.  We went most of Sunday without any interaction between the two.  Things were calm.  Then, I come home to this last night:

"Sugar-Free's mom HATES ME!!!!!!!"

I tried to get a straight answer out of Mini-Me, but it wasn't happening.  Evidently, Sugar Free's mom told Mini-Me she needed to go home.  Mini-Me swears up and down that her and Sugar-Free weren't fighting.

Yeah right.

I told Mini-Me that she can't play with Sugar-Free until the weekend.  We'll see how long that lasts.  Sugar-Free called my phone a couple times last night...I didn't pick up.  I'm sure she probably called my mom's phone too...somehow she ended up with that number. Sheesh.  I also didn't mention that over the weekend she tried to talk Mini-Me into swindling me out of half a pie that my mom made.  Sugar-Free my ass!

Side note:  Do you know how hard it is to find pictures of little girls fighting?  There are none.  I did, however, find tons of grown naked women mud wrestling.

Chickens Drink When They Cook.

Going back to work after a long holiday weekend has to be one of the most horrible things on the face of the planet. Not really, but it is beyond difficult for me to get excited about going back to the normal grind.


My weekend was extremely enjoyable and I think that makes it even harder to shift back into “work mode”. I have “modes”. Evidently, my shifting from one to the other is much more noticeable than I thought. Michael instantly recognizes my shifts, which is almost unnerving. I’m not sure if it makes me more uncomfortable that I wear my emotions so obviously on my face and in my mannerisms or that he has gotten to know me so well in such a short period of time. I take that back. It does not make me uncomfortable that Michael can read me so well. It, like most things he does, warms me from the inside out. We spent most of the weekend together, which like ending a holiday, makes it even more difficult to go back to our normal routine of not seeing each other for days at a time.

Our weekend began on Wednesday night. Michael and one of his sons stayed at my house until Friday morning. Our days together were filled with movies, enough sugar to kill several small children (except Mini-Me’s new friend…she’ll be mentioned in another blog), laughs, a cute little-girl crush, cooking, kisses, conversation, jokes, Nerf guns, my mother, and awesome pie. My mother loves Mike and his son. So much so that she left dinner early. What? Yes. That is what I said. She called me Friday morning to inform me of three things:

1. She had a wonderful time.

2. She left early because she wanted Mike and our families to have more time together. She was unaware that they were spending the night. (She didn’t bring it up at dinner, otherwise I would have told her)

3. She absolutely loves Mike and his son. I think it was the manners that got her. We Southern women are suckers for a “please, thank you, let me get that for you” kind of man. Both he and his son are like that. Oh, and don’t let me forget…"I’m not trying to get ahead of myself or anything, but WHEN you and Mike get married, I realized that both his sons names start with ‘A’, so when his sons become my grandsons, he’s not messing up anything! Isn’t that soooo cool?!” (Its tradition to name each generation of children with the same letter in my family. Both my kids are A’s as well)
OH MY GOD. Did she really just go there?? Did I hear her right?
Thanks mom. Next you’ll tell me that I’m not getting any younger.

I have such a whirlpool of thoughts swirling in my head that I may have to do a blog every day this week, devoting each day to a separate subject. Truly.
I hope everyone had just as much of an amazing weekend as I did. I didn't ruin dinner!  And I didn't get drunk (on Thursday)!  There was a child quote, but now I don’t remember what it was. It was fucking hilarious when I heard it and I told myself to remember it for my blog.  Oh well. I really need to be one of those annoying people that carry a notebook and write down their thoughts and interesting things they hear.

Time to slaughter some turkey, bitches!




Fuck yes! Doesn't he look excited?!  The kid, I mean...

 Yes, it's that time of year again.  Honestly, I can't believe it is already Thanksgiving and getting closer to Christmas everyday.  It may be freaking me out a little.  I am looking forward to many things on this holiday.  First, the long break - obviously.  This work week is only 2 1/2 days for me and I will enjoy the much needed days off to spend with friends and family.  Second, spending Thanksgiving with my mom and boyfriend.  I honestly can't remember how many years it has been since I have spent a Thanksgiving with my mother and having her in Las Vegas now is a great addition to this year's festivities.  Having Mike with us is as well.  He already got to meet my little absent minded mom briefly, not too long ago.  She likes him, he likes her, he likes my accent that magically appears when I talk to her...it will be fabulous.  Third, I will be making dinner this year.  I have not made Thanksgiving dinner for a group since I was with my ex and I am so looking forward to it.  I dreaded holidays with him and having my home bustling with people, feeding them and making them happy, is an amazing gift.  Warmth and love come to mind.  Too bad I don't have a real fireplace.  I had this vision of inviting everyone I knew that didn't have family and didn't have anywhere to go on Thanksgiving over to my house.  It is really a great idea and one year, when I have an actual house and not a small condo...I might just do that.  Or maybe I'll be ambitious next year.  I miss my domestic side.  Mike, poor thing, will get to see my OCD and need for control in full effect...but I guess it's good that we go ahead and get that out of the way.  I really rocked domesticity during the periods where I stayed home with the kids...when I wasn't fully depressed and in my pajamas all day. Heh.  Anyway...

In the spirit of Thanksgiving and conformity (since everyone else is doing it, too), I will list a few things that I am grateful for.  I tend to be an over-positive person and appreciate the little things, so I will try to stick to major things that I am thankful for this year and leave the little chipmunk that I see at work out of the mix.

My home and my job.  In this economy, I am so thankful that I was able to find this job with this group of amazing women.  It also led to me finally finding a home that I am so happy to be in...it is the first time that my kids have had their own rooms in forever and the first time that they have been in a place for more than 1 year since I don't remember when.  I am so glad that I am able to provide them with the stability they deserve.

Mine and my childrens' health. I don't think this needs any explanation.

Mike.  He showed up as Mr. Amazing, out of the blue, just when I was starting to think that there might not be a person in my near future that was meant just for me.  I never really understood that whole "he's my other half" soul mate stuff or when people talk about having an empty space inside or missing pieces or something.  I told myself it was total crap, but hoped that it wasn't every time I felt alone. Then he hugged me, took me to paint pottery, and fit himself right into my puzzle.  I don't think I will ever be the same.

My truck.  It is a beast of a vehicle.  It is ugly (in my eyes, it has character).  It is the most awesome truck ever.  It has given me no problems this year what-so-ever, no matter how much I beat it up and use the shit out of it.  I love that truck.  I am keeping my promise to give her the love and attention she deserves when I get my tax return next year.  Mama's gonna fix that body and make her all pretty again, I swear!

My friends.  That includes the ones that may have come into my life and left again, for whatever reason.  I am an accumulation of everyone that has crossed my path and if they are no longer around me, then hopefully I took away with me the lessons that I was supposed to learn.  But to all my constant friends, I love you.  Some of you I have known for years, but I feel like none of my friendships have blossomed more than they have in the last two years.  You guys make me laugh and my life wouldn't be the same without you.  I still am not sure how I ended up being labeled the wild one (ok. that's a flat-out lie.)  I think it's their fault.  Hehehe.

My mother.  Words cannot express how utterly fantastic it is to have her around.  We spend time together on a weekly basis and I am so glad that she is finding her niche in this city.  She is allowing me the gift of having family around and she is also allowing me to create a life for myself, as an individual, by graciously spending time with the kids when I need it.  We continue to build our mother/daughter relationship and I am thankful that she made the decision to move closer to me.

I think I may just leave it at that.  Those are very generic things to be thankful for, but for very good reasons.  I could have been creative and said vibrators, because beer-drinking Jesus knows that I have gotten good use out of those this year.  Or PBR, booty calls, Red Handed Tattoo Gallery, Facebook, men in general...
But I'm keepin' it clean.  Sort of.  Enjoy your Thanksgiving holiday!  Eat lots of dead animals, mass amounts of pie, get drunk with your family (whether it is for fun or just so you can stand being around them), enjoy your day off, and go topless at least once.  It's an order.  And send good vibes my way that I won't ruin Thanksgiving dinner. (hahaha. i said "vibes")

This one time, I was naked...

I got on Blogger the other day to obsessively check my stats (my page that tells me how many views I'm getting on my blog) and realized 2 things:

A.  I have had over 1,000 total views of my blog since I started it in what, August?  I am amazed!  Thank you.  I realize that some of these are people who may have been searching for a really great place to eat fried chicken in Las Vegas and my blog popped up on their Google search, but who cares?  I have a few loyal followers whom I appreciate very much and it completely supports my narcissistic side that everyone is so interested in the daily goings-on of my whimsical existence.

B.  I haven't written a blog in 10 days.  10 days?!  I am usually good for at least 2 a week!  I haven't quite gotten over my writer's block, I think.  Or it could be that my blog is usually an outlet for me to vent about things and I just haven't felt the need to.  Don't worry...I'm not going to go into some talk about how I can't stop thinking about Michael and how my life has become this cutesy, euphoric state of hearts and sparklies and rainbows....

Oh man, I miss him and his glorious sweet self....but I digress...

I have been told that I need to stick to funny today, so I shall.  My young friend, who I will call Sassy, said she wanted less of the falling in love crap and more of the meeting neighbors naked stuff.  Which led me to remember that I had mentioned that whole situation briefly in passing and never actually told the whole story.  I don't really even know if this story is funny anymore, honestly.  Gosh...I think it was the last time C2 and I actually spent time together...I think.  My mind is totally clouded with Michael. (I know. I can't stop talking about him.)  I had a night to myself and had gone over to C2's house for some drinks and topless swimming.  He has a large backyard with a pool and what I thought were non-nosey, non-existent neighbors.  I arrive, put on my swimsuit bottoms, parade right into the backyard (while C2 was making me a margarita) and dive into the pool.  Ahhhhhh.....I love swimming...I adore topless swimming.  I pop my head up and open my eyes, at which time I'm greeted by his neighbor popping his head over the back wall and watching me!  I was slightly taken aback!  I'm treading water in the middle of the pool, crossing my arms over my chest, as he introduces himself.  His name is Manny.  He asks me if I just bought the house and how much I paid for it.  I said it was my friend's house, that yes, it was a foreclosure...
"You're not topless, are you??"
Ummmmm....what do I say, here?  I should have said yes.  I know that now.  He probably would have left me alone.  I told him no. LOL.  He apologized for popping his head over and went back to his side of the wall.  I swam over to the side of the pool and was processing the whole thing, when, hello! Manny pops his head back over....
to introduce me to his friend.
I can imagine the conversation that went on in those 2 measly minutes.
"Dude. It was a chick in the pool and she's totally topless."
"No way!"
"Yes! Come look!"
"Are you fucking with me, man?"
"No! I swear! I met her!"
Luckily, I was still against the side of the pool, but at this point I pretty much said fuck it.  I had my arms out of the pool, hanging on the side, and carried on a nice conversation with the guys.  By the end, I had an open invitation to his house...he lives alone in that big house (he managed to work that into the conversation like 4 times).  And if I ever need absolutely anything...I can come to him.  Topless, of course.
They left, C2 came out with my drink, and I told him what happened.  I probably should have gotten out of the pool and gone over to Manny's house.  They enjoyed my toplessness, were much cuter than C2, and weren't complete assholes.  Oh well.

In a complicated twist today, I got a text from C1's wife.  All it said was "Hello".  On all days, it has to be the day that my phone isn't working because I haven't paid my bill.  This means that, strangely, I can get texts, but can't respond.  It seems like a cruel joke being played on me by the universe.  I knew I should have gone at lunch and made my payment.  What the hell does SHE want?  I don't know if I should even answer her.

So, tomorrow night I have Sailor Girl's birthday party to go to.  That should provide at least 1 or 2 good stories.  We also have Thanksgiving coming up next week...that's exciting.  Mike is meeting my mom for the first time, we're being all domestic and cooking dinner together, and I'm sure there will be a good kid quote in the mix somewhere.  Kid's faces say so much...especially the mouth part of the face. 
Updates to come soon, I assure you.

Cheap wine does wonders for writer's block.

Unfortunately, I don't have any, so I have been blocked.  I can't get the words out.  If I do somehow get words out, they don't sound right or it isn't exactly what I wanted to say.  Tonight I was able to tell someone exactly what they needed to hear.  "Regardless of where you are supposed to end up, where you are right now is exactly where you are supposed to be...for one reason or another".  Or something to that extent.  Astonishingly enough, these were the words that I have been trying to find for days.
This is exactly where I am supposed to be.
More importantly, This is exactly WHO I am supposed to be WITH.
I came to this realization days and days ago (I realize things way before I act on them).  There was another party that was slightly interested in getting to know me (other than Mr. Amazing).  I didn't mention him because (not to be rude), he was insignificant.  We began talking around the time that I met Mr. Amazing.  I never made the time to get to know him.  I didn't want to.  I was even honest and told him this.  He wanted to meet and I said I couldn't talk to him anymore - that I was dating someone else and ready to stop looking.  I couldn't believe those words came out of my mouth (Actually, I typed them out. I had never even made the time to talk to this guy on the phone!)  This chicken, for the last two years, has had in the back of her mind that there is something better coming.  That whomever I was with wasn't it...that they were only stepping stones to someone else. Sorry guys.  Have you ever seen the movie "Practical Magic"? If you haven't, then I may dis-own you.  In the movie, Sally writes out a spell protecting herself from finding love.  She creates a list of traits for her perfect person, knowing that it is impossible that this person could ever exist.  I did this.  Not literally, but I was beginning to think that the kind of man I truly wanted (which seemed to be an impossible list of traits) didn't exist - that I would have to settle for just somebody or be alone forever.  In the end of the movie, of course the man she dreamt up when she was a child does really exist, he breaks the curse on her family, and she knows happiness like she never thought possible.
Michael (Mr. Amazing) is creating a happiness for me that I never thought possible.  I feel lit up from the inside when I am near him or when I hear his voice.  Something physically changes in me.  I cannot stop smiling.  I laugh like only my sister can make me laugh.  Yes, it is still new and we are still learning about one another...but something in me knows this is right.  I still ask myself how I found him, why he was brought to me, why? why? why?...in a series of questions that can't be explained, except for this reason only...that it was supposed to happen.  I am where I am supposed to be with who I am supposed to be with.
So, now I am in a relationship.  Mr. Amazing is my boyfriend.  I like the name Michael better.  It rolls off my tongue.  I will probably use both names.  This may mean that this blog may take a bit of a turn, but that doesn't mean much.  This may mean that I have delayed my spinsterhood a few years, but who knows.  I am living in the now.  Now is with Michael, who is still "wooing" me.  Who had wine and lit candles in his bedroom after our date on Saturday.  Who made me breakfast and thanked me for letting him take care of me.
I won't be the girl who just makes out a huge list of why her man is perfect in every way (#1: We should change his name to Mr. Does Amazing Things With His Hands).  I am tired, getting blocked up again, and feel like I am not making my point.  I had other things I wanted to talk about, but that shall become Part Two or a separate blog all together.  I promise I have other things going on and I can think of things to talk about other than a man.  I swear.  I am starting to believe that late night, half asleep babbling that could be slightly mistaken for writing is a bit like writing drunk.

Halloween and Other Treats: A Weekend of Goofy Grins

I don't know where to begin when talking about my weekend.  I feel like I celebrated Halloween for an entire week and I'm quite over the holiday now.  I'm surrounded by Halloween decorations at work and I don't have that usual feeling that I get of wanting to stretch out the merriment as long as possible.  Not to say that I didn't have a good Halloween...I had a great one.  I'm just ready to move on to what's next.  We're in that part of the year when the last few months fly by; Thanksgiving will be here in a few weeks, then shortly after Christmas and New Year's Eve.  I feel like I should reflect, but we'll do that in another blog during the months to come.

My weekend began on Thursday with a visit to Mr. Amazing's home.  We had a movie date that both of us were extremely excited about and it was practically perfect, just as he is turning out to be.  I arrived right after work and he had my favorite bottle of wine waiting (he scored MAJOR points with that).  We talked comfortably as usual, ordered food from an excellent Mediterranean restaurant (shish kabob and hummus. yum.), and watched Paranormal Activity (because I had never seen it).  It came time for me to go and I didn't want to leave (I find myself feeling that way every time I'm around him now, which was several times this weekend), but I had to relieve my mother of her babysitting duties.  Friday, we made plans to go to the drive-in to see a double feature of PA2 and Devil.  We camped out with sleeping bags and blankets in the bed of my truck, watching movies, then making out like teenagers.  I forgot what fun it was to see a movie and not be able to really explain or remember what any of it was about.  We stayed until the end of the second showing of PA2, which had me back at his place at about 1:30am.  I left at 9am, again, only because my mother had so graciously watched the kids and I felt bad for leaving her there all night.  I was actually worried she would be mad, but I got home and my house was clean, she probed like mothers do, then told me she was glad that I am happy.  (The irresponsible part of me had wished I'd stayed a little longer at Mr. Amazing's)  He has mentioned in his blog that he can't explain the smile that I give him.  I had the same issue with explaining just the way he makes me feel, until I was on my way home Saturday morning.  It was a beautiful fall morning, the sun was shining, I had barely any sleep, and I couldn't stop smiling.  I don't think he could be any sweeter or more of a gentleman...he is a good man...and he makes me feel ADORED.  That is the word.  Even if he actually doesn't adore me (yet), he makes me feel like I am and it is wonderful.  He came over last night and stayed at my place.  We still have not had sex (ok...there hasn't been "intercourse") and I am ok with that.  Most of my relationships start hot and heavy right from the beginning, but they fizzle out faster than they started it seems.  Slow is good.  A fire that starts as a smolder and grows slowly in intensity is the kind of fire that lasts for a while.  The kind that warms your entire body down to the core...

The rest of my weekend was spent with the kids, hanging out and enjoying the holiday.  We watched a marathon of Ghost Adventures on Saturday night and yesterday we had a lazy day, prepping for the trick-or-treating that was to come later in the evening.  I was a witch, Autumn was a vampire, and Anthony was a "dead scientist that had gotten blown up during an experiment".  That kid is always so detailed with his descriptions.  Anthony had mentioned wanting to go trick-or-treating with his friends this year.  I think I have permanently lost him for Halloween from now on.  His friend came to pick him up early in the evening and he went with that family and a bunch of other boys.  Autumn and I had a great time, though.  We got dressed, waited somewhat patiently for the sun to set, then headed out.  We walked down the street to a neighborhood that was almost completely dead, but we ended up getting a great tip on another neighborhood that really gets into its Halloween festivities.  We drove over, walked around, Autumn was having an amazing time, and was frankly hilarious.  She has my sense of humor, what can I say.  There was a street party going on with a haunted house and a mad doctor that was giving out beer to the parents and candy to the kids.  We finished early, with enough time to get her showered and ready for bed before Mr. Amazing came over.  Anthony ended up spending the night with his friends.  Luckily, I think I have a few more years of hanging with Autumn before she too would rather be with buddies than with mom.  I'll take it while I can.  This morning while I was in the shower, she woke up, sifted through her candy, and laid out a pile of my favorites on my bed.  It came with a little note that read, "Hope you in joy. From: Autumn".  Sweetness.