Unfortunately, I don't have any, so I have been blocked. I can't get the words out. If I do somehow get words out, they don't sound right or it isn't exactly what I wanted to say. Tonight I was able to tell someone exactly what they needed to hear. "Regardless of where you are supposed to end up, where you are right now is exactly where you are supposed to be...for one reason or another". Or something to that extent. Astonishingly enough, these were the words that I have been trying to find for days.
This is exactly where I am supposed to be.
More importantly, This is exactly WHO I am supposed to be WITH.
I came to this realization days and days ago (I realize things way before I act on them). There was another party that was slightly interested in getting to know me (other than Mr. Amazing). I didn't mention him because (not to be rude), he was insignificant. We began talking around the time that I met Mr. Amazing. I never made the time to get to know him. I didn't want to. I was even honest and told him this. He wanted to meet and I said I couldn't talk to him anymore - that I was dating someone else and ready to stop looking. I couldn't believe those words came out of my mouth (Actually, I typed them out. I had never even made the time to talk to this guy on the phone!) This chicken, for the last two years, has had in the back of her mind that there is something better coming. That whomever I was with wasn't it...that they were only stepping stones to someone else. Sorry guys. Have you ever seen the movie "Practical Magic"? If you haven't, then I may dis-own you. In the movie, Sally writes out a spell protecting herself from finding love. She creates a list of traits for her perfect person, knowing that it is impossible that this person could ever exist. I did this. Not literally, but I was beginning to think that the kind of man I truly wanted (which seemed to be an impossible list of traits) didn't exist - that I would have to settle for just somebody or be alone forever. In the end of the movie, of course the man she dreamt up when she was a child does really exist, he breaks the curse on her family, and she knows happiness like she never thought possible.
Michael (Mr. Amazing) is creating a happiness for me that I never thought possible. I feel lit up from the inside when I am near him or when I hear his voice. Something physically changes in me. I cannot stop smiling. I laugh like only my sister can make me laugh. Yes, it is still new and we are still learning about one another...but something in me knows this is right. I still ask myself how I found him, why he was brought to me, why? why? why?...in a series of questions that can't be explained, except for this reason only...that it was supposed to happen. I am where I am supposed to be with who I am supposed to be with.
So, now I am in a relationship. Mr. Amazing is my boyfriend. I like the name Michael better. It rolls off my tongue. I will probably use both names. This may mean that this blog may take a bit of a turn, but that doesn't mean much. This may mean that I have delayed my spinsterhood a few years, but who knows. I am living in the now. Now is with Michael, who is still "wooing" me. Who had wine and lit candles in his bedroom after our date on Saturday. Who made me breakfast and thanked me for letting him take care of me.
I won't be the girl who just makes out a huge list of why her man is perfect in every way (#1: We should change his name to Mr. Does Amazing Things With His Hands). I am tired, getting blocked up again, and feel like I am not making my point. I had other things I wanted to talk about, but that shall become Part Two or a separate blog all together. I promise I have other things going on and I can think of things to talk about other than a man. I swear. I am starting to believe that late night, half asleep babbling that could be slightly mistaken for writing is a bit like writing drunk.