Thursday, October 14, 2010

I love to know you.

I think I crossed the thin line over into desperation.  I, the El Pollo Loco, put a profile on an online dating website.  I did.  I had vowed earlier this year to never do that again.  I tried it before and all I got was an endless string of emails or texts asking me for a picture of my boobs and a few dates that went absolutely nowhere.

I was bored, though...and it was a site that I had never tried, so why the hell not.  I filled out the questionnaire, answering questions about my height, the dreaded "body shape", what I'm doing with my life (which totally freaked me out), and other miscellaneous things.  I did a pretty good job.  Of course, the current profile is probably the 10th version or something ridiculous; I've edited it endlessly.  I still can't really decide if I like this whole process or not.  It completely plays with my mind and honestly, there are slim pickins as far as decent men are concerned.  There are also various questions that are answered, which gives you a Match, Friend, and Enemy percentage on each person.  Enemy??  Couldn't they come up with something else?  What exactly am I supposed to think when someone is, for example: 90% Match, 79% Friend, 12% Enemy??  Someone explain this to me.  They also compare personalities on graphs that you can peruse...just to make sure you're making the correct choice of partner.  It always lists me as the kinkier one.  I laughed.  I am expecting a barrage of messages based just on this.  It's probably correct anyway.  Maybe I am just more honest and open when it comes to talking about sex (let's use this blog as an example, shall we?).

We are on day 3 or 4 or something of me completing my profile.  I already found this one person that I really liked, messaged, and he didn't write me back.  Yet.  "Yet", I say to myself.  Let's be positive about this.  It is kind of difficult to be positive, when I already came across the traditional douches:

1.  Guy with some version of the word "crazy" as his profile name and a picture to match.

2.  The guy with no profile info except for a picture, who messages with, "You lookin' to get together?".

3.  The awkward person that message contains only the words "How are you".  No punctuation, no hello, no introduction of names.

4.  The foreign guy who says he works with the United Nations, can barely speak English ("I love to know you.  You are so sweet.  You have nice smile.").  Next, I'll be receiving an email asking me for money or something.  These guys scream scam to me.

5.  The guy that puts himself down in the first email and literally acts like he's not worth your time.  "Well, I'll let you go and read something that is actually interesting."  And he wonders why he can't get a date.

6.  The guy who states in his profile that he is good at "plan of attacks".  I take this to mean he either plays D&D or WoW.

I did get a few messages this morning, with one being very promising.  We have already exchanged emails today and I gave him my number.  Is this slutty in the online dating world?  Leave it to me to be slutty.  He shall have a special name on this blog before long.  Hopefully he will be worthy of a totally cool name, instead of just a letter...
The other  Not too exciting.  One is 44.  I dated a 44 year old once.  He french kissed my ear and I was never the same (and not in a good way).

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