I am not religious and I'm not going to get into a debate over religion. But...if I were...I would definitely say that God is testing me right now. I would also occasionally say that Jesus probably drinks himself to sleep when he hears me talk the way I do, but that's a whole other story, isn't it?
So, I was given a test today. After I just wrote a blog about holding out in order to find the right guy (namely a single one), I received a friend request from married guy on Facebook. I accepted it. I accepted a friend request from a guy that said some extremely colorful things to me during our first meeting, one of which involved snorting certain illegal substances off my inner thigh. Stupid. I got a private message this morning...very casual at first...along the lines of "How you doin' girl?". I was surprised that he had even requested me, because he is overly paranoid about his wife finding out about his extra-marital activities. I told him that in my response. He wrote back that basically he was over it and had "been thinking about kicking it and has been craving a good time". I'm sorry, did I miss something? Am I an escort? A hooker? Of course, he offered no money during this transaction, so I guess that just makes me a whore, then?? I say that now, because I have some clarity. At the time, when I was looking at the email trying to think of a response and he IM'd me...I went along. We conversed. We talked about sex...a lot of sex. I won't lie and say it didn't turn me on. It totally did - like biting my lip, squirming in my chair, thinking of sneaking off to the other room and taking care of myself turned on. The heat from my loins was clouding my rational thinking. He wanted to meet up...soon. I didn't say no, but I am going to. I am going to be the "tease" and change my mind. The worst that will happen is that he will delete me as a friend on Facebook and will completely avoid me if we are ever in the same room again. I can handle that. I'm not willing, however, to find out what bad things will happen if we do get involved. I will be the one who ends up getting hurt in the end, not him. Like I said in my last blog, I am worth more than to be kept a secret. I need a man I can do things with...that I can go in public with. A regular, normal boyfriend-type person. Ok, maybe not normal. I like things a little away from the norm (psst: I have someone in mind!), but come on! Please, God or PBR drinking Jesus or Universe or Whoever...send me a real relationship and I promise I'll be good. I promise I'll say no and pass this test. There is no threat to my success other than my inner-slut emerging, and I can damn well control that little bitch. I think. I can at least subdue her until I find said boyfriend and unleash that minx on him...becoming the best girlfriend on Earth...ok?
Thank you, Amen, Namaste, Blessed Be and all that.